25 Truths That Get Clearer With Age
Midlife guideposts that make growing older feel more grounded and meaningful.
The older you get, the more comfortable you become being who you really are. This is a gift. You learn what’s worth stressing over and what to let go. You start to own your seat.
I’m celebrating another trip around the sun, which has me reflecting on lessons I’ve learned and things I aspire toward, albeit imperfectly.
Here are a handful of principles I wish I realized sooner, but am glad to use as guideposts now.
The world is crazy. The best way to stay grounded is to find people and projects that matter and give them your all. Truly. There is no substitute for mastery and mattering.
Don’t put off health. It’s easy to prioritize everything else, but neglecting health will come back to get you. It’s not a sacrifice to focus on health. It’s a down payment on the future.
Consistency over intensity. This applies in work, leisure, relationships, and craft. Show up over and over again, and good things tend to happen. There is no need to hit home runs. Just put the ball in play.
Success is for you to define. Determine your values. Live in alignment with them. Try not to compare so much. Simple, not easy.
Achievement can be important, but the journey—the process—needs to be fulfilling, otherwise no mountaintop will be enough. Goals are great, but 99.99 percent of life is lived in the process of pursuing them. Focus there.
The people with whom you surround yourself shape you, so choose wisely.
Be kind to yourself amidst adversity. It’s hard to be a human. It’s hard to do hard things. Don’t make it harder by beating yourself up all the time.
The world is increasingly polarized. It’s important not to let tribal, identity-based thinking control your life. Stand up for your values and what is true, set boundaries with people who are assholes, and carry on.
Skipping sleep is not a productivity hack, it’s foolish. Do everything you can to get good sleep, but also: don’t freak out when you can’t—because sometimes life happens. The goal isn’t to optimize a sleep-score. It’s to live!
It’s almost always better to be kind than it is to be clever. In a world that often rewards quick wit and clever comebacks, it’s easy to forget that kindness almost always goes further. Cleverness can win the moment. Kindness can win the relationship. And let’s be real, you’d probably rather be known as someone who is kind versus clever.
Speaking of being known, it is also almost always better to be truly known by your friends, family, and community than it is to be a celebrity on the internet or to go viral for a day.
Ask yourself if you’re using technology or if technology is using you. Do this often. Adjust accordingly.
You can wake up feeling bad and still have a good day. Just get started and give yourself a chance.
Normalize saying “I don’t know enough to have an opinion on that.” Those are 10 of the most underrated words.
You can feel happy and sad, hope and despair, excited and nervous all in the same day, or even in the same hour. It’s totally normal to feel a wide array of feelings. Emotional flexibility means being able to work through them all.
Confidence comes from evidence. Self belief only works if you give yourself reason to believe. Get the reps in. Get the experience. Confidence will follow.
Money matters, but only to a point. Figure out what that point is for you and abandon the need to keep up with the Joneses. It’s a waste of energy.
Think of identity like a house: If one part of your identity floods or catches fire, it’s helpful to have other rooms where you can seek refuge. Build a durable identity house. Diversify your sense of self.
There is no greater trap than thinking the accomplishment of some goal is going to fulfill you. What will fulfill you is the person you become along the way. I write about this often because it’s one of the truest things I know.
Excellence. Intimacy. Love. All the things we long for require attention.
The quality of your attention shapes the quality of your life. Protect it.
I’ve found being a parent the most exhausting joy there is, but you can have a great life with or without being a parent. There are so many paths to a great life.
Tell the truth. Even, and perhaps especially, when it’s hard.
Change is inevitable. When you know that change is part of the deal, you stop clinging so tightly to what was and instead focus on what is and what’s next. Be ready for it.
One of the most limiting myths we carry is that the big choices must be made young, and after a certain age, the die is cast. But real life rarely works that way.
People reinvent themselves all the time. They switch careers at 40, learn an instrument at 50, fall in love at 60, launch a business at 70. What matters right now is your willingness to take small steps toward the version of yourself you’d like to become.
Be yourself and go all the way.
At 56, I can say these are great points. But I’d emphasize the value of relationships and family beyond what you posit in #6. Having been to a lot of weddings and funerals, at the side of dying loved ones, and with the same guy for 40 years, I’ve felt the power of loyal and loving relationships—the people you can count on through all of life’s chapters.
Thank you. All the best for the next lap!